forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..