he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.