I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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