im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
