remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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