When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
