Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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