I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
