Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
