You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
