Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
