just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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