I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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