"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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