Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
