Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
