I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
