We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
