The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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