ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
