I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
