guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
