I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
