I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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