I wish life had little blips of pornography
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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