I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
