I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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