I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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