and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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