My Higher Power is John Stamos
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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