Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
