It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
