Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
