Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
