Have you finally orgasmed yet?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is Oprah even human
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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