i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
