tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
