The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
