Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
