I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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