A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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