I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize