I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
