why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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