According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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