the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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