Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
