Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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