So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
