I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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