I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
