Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
