dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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