Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
