The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
