I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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