she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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