how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
