I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
