I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
