The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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