You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
