Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
