There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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