Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Umm I'm too high to move.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
