Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
