I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
