I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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