He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize