Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
