Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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