You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
