There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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