Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
