my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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