i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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