dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
