Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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