She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
