Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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