i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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