She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
